Sick and Tired

I try not to post angry things here, but sometimes it’s just really hard not to.

Today, I get to the library with a giant square of my freshly baked rhubarb coffee cake and I’m all set to study when my pesky little phone lights up. Of course it has to be from an ex-boyfriend asking me to give him back something or other that he gave me more than 6 months ago. And then doing his usual “let’s cut down Heidi’s self-esteem and be a dick” conversations. I refused to respond, and he continued to text me. And… you know what? I’m fucking pissed.

I’m furious. I am sick and tired of this endless litany of shitty relationship and shittier endings. Between the thieving boyfriends, and the giant cheater, and the ones that just don’t know when to let go -I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of losers. I don’t know if I should think less of myself for picking these idiots or think less of them for their giant, gaping flaws. It’s not a pity party, I’m just furious at myself for wasting all of this time on them. The cheating, lying, stealing, and general crap behavior… when is it over?

Until then? I will be faithfully devoted to myself, because I know that I will always remain faithful to myself and I will never let myself down. I know that the yeast and flour will always make bread, and butter and eggs make good cookies. I know that running will always put a smile on my face, and the steady strides and breathing will get me to the finish line. I know these things.

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