Soft Shell Crabs, and questions

So, as I mentioned yesterday, I bought soft shell crabs. The gentleman that sold them to me was very sweet and explained how to clean them properly. Once I got home, and re-stocked my refrigerator with all my new little purchases, I decided to just double check his instructions. I consulted Connie’s guide on how to clean soft shell crabs at ouichefcook before diving into my endeavor. She also has some great tips of cooking, so I followed her instructions on that also.

I never thought of myself as squeamish, until yesterday. Those little buggers didn’t move a single floppy appendage when the man at the stand explained how to clean them, but the minute I put them on my demi-sheet they were wiggling around everywhere.  I couldn’t bear the feel of them wiggling under my fingers, so I copped out and used tongs and a pair of kitchen shears to make the appropriate cuts. Even after I cut major sections of their bodies away, they continued to wiggle. I felt like a villain leaving them wiggling around in a dish until I got around to cooking them for dinner at 7, so I fried them almost immediately. Even though it was 10:00am, I just had to finish cooking the soft shell crabs before I lost my nerve. Plus, I knew I’d be obsessing about it all day if I didn’t cook them immediately.

I lightly coated both soft shell crabs in a dusting of flour, salt, and pepper. Then in a shallow pan with about a cup of Canola oil, I fried them for 3 1/2 minutes per side until they were red and golden brown.

These were, hands down, the best soft shell crabs I have ever eaten. Maybe because I had to go through all of the effort of cleaning them to eat it, but they were so good! If I knew better, I’d be embarrassed to admit that I ate both of them in a single sitting. I ate them with just a bit of salad and strawberries.

However, (BIG however) after cleaning these crabs, I was still not feeling great about it. There is something about personally being responsible for these little live creatures while you rip off their face and rip out their gills so you can devour them with a bit of lemon. I felt a bit villainous cutting into their bodies while they were clearly alive. I don’t know how much better I would feel if I were to kill them first… but I just didn’t like the feeling that I was torturing something, even if it is just shellfish. Regardless, it was a good culinary experience. It made me really consider what I do consume and the way we consume live things for sustenance.

Sick and Tired

I try not to post angry things here, but sometimes it’s just really hard not to.

Today, I get to the library with a giant square of my freshly baked rhubarb coffee cake and I’m all set to study when my pesky little phone lights up. Of course it has to be from an ex-boyfriend asking me to give him back something or other that he gave me more than 6 months ago. And then doing his usual “let’s cut down Heidi’s self-esteem and be a dick” conversations. I refused to respond, and he continued to text me. And… you know what? I’m fucking pissed.

I’m furious. I am sick and tired of this endless litany of shitty relationship and shittier endings. Between the thieving boyfriends, and the giant cheater, and the ones that just don’t know when to let go -I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of losers. I don’t know if I should think less of myself for picking these idiots or think less of them for their giant, gaping flaws. It’s not a pity party, I’m just furious at myself for wasting all of this time on them. The cheating, lying, stealing, and general crap behavior… when is it over?

Until then? I will be faithfully devoted to myself, because I know that I will always remain faithful to myself and I will never let myself down. I know that the yeast and flour will always make bread, and butter and eggs make good cookies. I know that running will always put a smile on my face, and the steady strides and breathing will get me to the finish line. I know these things.

Dear Momma

Happy Mother’s Day! You are simply the best!!!

There are not enough words in the world to express all of my love for you. Thank you for your love, your care, and everything you gave up for me. Thank you for listening to my countless hours of venting and the countless hours you spent helping me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are my one and only champion and the only person to always be on my side.

With all my heart;

Your bratty 2nd kid, that still hasn’t grown up!

My Best Friend

Happy Birthday Boo!!

It has been just over three years since you came into my life, and I feel so lucky to have you. Every morning I wake up and laugh because you are rolled over snoring or breathing little clouds of stinky dog breath on me. I love your fuzzy little feet and your floppy ears. I love your curled tail and your insistence to sleep in my dirty laundry. I love that you figure out how to sit on slippery chairs and pull the shower curtain up to interrupt my showers. I love that you change colors all of the time. You were black and tan, and then snow white, and right now you are some weird tan color. I love that you are picky and refuse to eat treats. I love when you run and your ears flop and you hop around like a bunny rabbit.

And right now? I love that you cheer me up when I need a laugh because finals are kicking my ass. I love that you faithfully wait by the door for me to come back from the library and then drool on my lap while I review notes. I love every single little thing about you.

Happy Birthday, my baby Boo!

More…

Are you all getting tired of my random little thoughts and lack of recipes? I promise I’ll be back as soon as finals are over… in the mean time it’ll be my random, stream of consciousness little posts whenever I need a break from studying. BLAH!

So yesterday, I ran into a friend who was telling me that he and his girlfriend got back together… they had broken up a couple weeks ago, but decided to give it another shot. He then said, that this was how it went, you break up five or six times before you really just put an end to it. And since it was only their 2nd break up, they were still going strong. Which I thought was interesting, because I’m the exact opposite. If the words “it’s over” or “break up” even come out of my mouth or the guy’s mouth – it’s over. I just think that if those thoughts cross your mind, then it’s not working out. Because, if it is meant to be, I think you would want to stick together and fight together no matter what. I think a relationship should be like family… no matter what you are always together. So, if one person were to think they wanted to let go… then they aren’t the right one. I know it’s a hard standard to live up to, but I would rather be without someone, than someone who will give up when it’s hard. All of the hardships we endure, make everything else that much sweeter… so if someone isn’t willing to get over those hard bits, I don’t think they are worth it.

Ravioli

I haven’t been cooking or baking since I have been inundated with work for finals… why is that I know I’m going to be screwed at the end of the semester, but I still procrastinate? Why? (I know the answer!! Because I would rather run and do fun stuff! Because it’s better to be miserable for 3 weeks cramming, than to be miserable the whole semester!!! Haha)

Anyway, on Sunday I bought handmade ravioli at the farmer’s market from this adorable man. I put them in the freezer so I didn’t have to worry that my utter domestic neglect would ruin it… and I had some yesterday. It was so delicious. I didn’t have sauce, and even plain these little beef and spinach ravioli were sublime. So good. I’ll post pictures and more detailed reviews and the name of the gentleman later, but I did want to share that!

I also bought a chunk of garlic cheese, I’ll also post pictures of that later, and it was so good. I ate half of the block standing at my counter after my run last night.

Yeah… that’s all I have to share. (See how crazy you get when you spend 75% of your day inside reading boring shit about police arrests and warrants and evidentiary relief?)

Random Talents

I was once told that I have the weirdest combination of talents. Personally, I don’t think it’s so weird. Anyway – these are my talents and some of my flaws… what are yours?

  1. I am excellent at applying false lashes. I almost never wear make up, but I’m awesome at applying false lashes. I’m pretty good with make-up in general, but lashes are absolutely my forte in the make-up department
  2. I am awful at making scrambled eggs. I know, it’s so simple. But I can’t get it right. Mine are either runny, burnt, rubbery, or a combination of all three.
  3. I know how to mow and edge a lawn. When I was in college, my dad was traveling a lot and the yard was getting out of control… so I took over the mowing and edging. Turns out mowing the lawn is pretty therapeutic, and I’m pretty kick-ass at it too.
  4. I have a knack for remember random facts about people. I remember that I met Vince, a Korean War veteran back in 7th grade. I remember that the lady sitting next to me on my flight to DR three weeks ago was called Annie, and it was her wedding anniversary on April 2. I remember my middle school crush was born on October 11 and lived on William St.
  5. I am terrible with maps. I have a good sense of direction and place, but when it comes to maps and figuring out the route on the map – I haven’t the faintest clue. I get confused. I don’t know which way is up or down on maps.
  6. I know how to solder silver, and I have a wicked touch when it comes to a propane torch.
  7. One extremely hot summer, my parents and I painted the garage, so I’m pretty good at painting walls and ceilings.
  8. I’m clumsy when I walk. I’m much better running. But yes, when I walk I fall all over the place. I’ve skinned a knee on completely flat ground wearing sneakers because I tripped over my own feet.
  9. I am good at eye-balling height and weight on most people. I’m normally not off by more than an inch and 5 pounds.
  10. I am not good at leaving anything alone. Hand me tweezers, and I will tweeze off all my eyebrows. Nail clippers? I’ll cut until my nails bleed. I don’t know what it is, but I just have this urge to keep going. So, I stay far away from tweezers and any cutting instruments.

And on that note…. Back to work!

Scenes from the last 24 hours

I stayed up all night… I have never felt so great!!! Sometimes I think when I sleep too much, my brain gets cloudy. And since I have slept more than my fair share this week, I think some awake time did me good. I feel much more alert and sparky!!! 🙂 Anyway. I baked some awesome banana bread last night, and after I tweak the recipe a bit, I’ll be back to share. In the mean time. Outtakes from my overnighter!

Bits and Bites

I try not to skip any meals, but this gets increasingly difficult when the semester winds down and I’m clocking 12 hours at the library and another 4 odd hours rolling around in pages of notes at home. This semester, on top of all of my studying, I have saddled myself with an impressively heavy running schedule to make sure I am in good running form by July 31. So to help make my schedule a little easier and reduce the amount of take out sandwiches I wolf down at the library (because there is no lady like way to eat a sandwich while frantically studying), I premake a lot of the fixings for my lunches and dinners. Earlier this week when my brain needed a break, I sat down and folded 20 spanikopita triangles, brushed them with butter and froze them. I also made myself 35 beautiful chicken and zucchini dumplings, also frozen and cheerfully waiting to be boiled. Then I steamed some chicken and stored it safely in the fridge for the whole wheat wraps I make. I stocked my fridge with frozen corn, spinach, and edamame. I made 4 cups of pearl barley, which I turned into a salad of sorts (see my Bulgar wheat salad from last semester) with tons of tomato, roasted red pepper, olives, and good feta cheese.

Anyway – since I don’t have anything recipe related to share, I’ll share staples that I have in my fridge

  • peanut butter – for cookies and noodles. I don’t really like pbj sandwiches
  • yogurt – the regular kind, I hate the mushy and gushy texture of the low fat varieties. And plain flavored. The weird pretend strawberry kind creeps me out, and the other flavors just taste like vomit (sorry… am I ruining it for you?)
  • Italian salad dressing – I really like Italian. I make a kickass balsamic vinaigrette, but I always have this salad dressing out of a bottle in my fridge.
  • butter – even when I’m not baking, I always have good butter in my fridge.
  • frozen corn – because I love corn… I put it in everything.
  • edamame – in the shell. I like having a plate of steamed edamame on the counter while I study, so when I’m distracted and want to eat something, at least it’s just edamame
  • black beans – for wraps and chips
  • water – I have a huge Brita filter. I keep it filled and chilled.
  • coke – the regular kind in the red cans. I confess, even though I know it dissolves my teeth and doesn’t help with running, I love coca cola. Specifically in the can with a straw, absolutely frigid cold.
  • beer and wine – right now I have Blue Moon and some inexpensive white wine. But I always keep a little beer and wine, just in case I want a drink with my dinner. I normally have Jack Daniels, vodka, and tequila too – but since I’m running more intensely, I’m cutting down the amount of hard liquor I consume.
  • eggs – I occasionally like fried eggs on toast, or hard boiled eggs. I like the brown speckled kind. They’re cuter.

Righto… back to studying!

The Will to Run

When I was in high school, I played lacrosse for two miserable seasons. In my second season, while the team was out on a run and everyone was complaining about shin splints and hot weather, I realized that I just liked running. I immediately joined cross country, and then my love affair with running started. I loved running. I love the moment when you hit “that point” when you feel everything dropping away and the magic starts. Where nothing else matters but you, your feet, and the endless distance you can run.

Then, in 10th grade, in the midst of a run, just before I was about to get to “that” point… something went wrong. My toe caught something, and as I fell I knew I wouldn’t be finishing the run. I just knew. My ankle and knee blew up to the size of melon and turned a hideous shade of purple, green, and blue. After two months of being immobilized, I shredded the bandages holding the immobilizing foam to my leg. I put my running shoes back on, and started to run. My toes would turn angry shades of purple, and my knee would turn red and throb for days… but I would run because I needed it. I needed to burn the angry and resentment and rage I felt for being so hurt and not healing fast enough. I never ran competitively again in high school. And after a few visits to the doctor and repeated “you need surgery” talks, I refused to ever set foot in a sports medicine doctor’s office again.

In college, I simply ran a couple loops around my neighborhood, or would strap on my rollerblades and speed along. Occasionally I would set myself at the bottom of the steepest hill, and sprint to the top. I wasn’t as good or strong, but I ran anyway. I continued to run, even after I started working my 70 hour weeks. I would get home at midnight, and after putting on my reflective vest, I would run in the dark. Just me, the inky night, and my feet. The silence you feel after you get into a run is amplified by the darkness, only to be punctuated by random headlights. Those late night runs got me through hundreds of hours of stress.

Then, I came to law school and continued to run. It was my way of getting to know Baltimore… and when a few people in my property  class said they were running a half marathon, I signed up too. In two months, I trained and managed to out run almost all of the students I ran with. So, I kept going. I ran another… and then another. But I never imagined that I would run a full marathon because I didn’t think my bum ankle or knee could handle it… or that I would have the time or patience. Then a month ago, I ran my fourth half marathon and then a week later ran my personal best time in a 10 mile race. I felt great. I didn’t have any joint pain… so I kept going. I ran and ran and ran when I was on vacation… and when I got home I decided to do the full.

Yesterday, I didn’t have much time to run. I started at 7, and normally it’s too dark to run safely by 8:00pm. So I decided to run a 3 mile pick up run. Basically, 1 mile normal pace, 1/2 mile sprint, 1 mile normal, 1/2 mile sprint, and then jog the rest of it out home. In the last 1/2 mile sprint, I set my sights on a guy in an orange t-shirt. He was tall… and fast. But… I was faster. I was never a fan of sprinting, but there is a moment when you get to your maximum speed, and you feel like you can just fly. Your legs are just cranking out the paces and nothing is stopping you from just taking flight. I love that feeling. I just hate stopping, because then the rest of you catches up and starts clamoring for attention. Your lungs burn, and you can’t seem to stop gasping for air… your heart is beating so hard you can hear it and your feet burn from the friction. But the moment when you feel the ground dropping away, and when everything is still while you race through time… it’s worth it.

Oh! But I didn’t get to the most basic part of running. The food. In running, nutrition is crucial. Because even the smallest changes in diet can screw you up. Just before my 10 mile race, I discovered that I was no longer horribly allergic to apples. So for the entire week before the race, I bolted down two bushels of apples. I didn’t remember apples being so utterly delicious! But then at mile 5, that weeks worth of apples was really biting me in the ass. Because I hadn’t eaten apples in over 10 years and because of the tremendous amount of sugar and fiber… well, you can guess exactly how I felt.

A few days after the race, I landed in Punta Cana (DR). And after eating random resort food and some random street food too (yes, I know… street food?!), I came home to so major gastro-intestinal distress. I’m pretty good at ignoring my body and running, but I was glued to my apartment because I just needed to use the bathroom all of the time (overshare? hahaha). But because I had decided (and committed) to running the full marathon, I was really itching to get back out running. So, I reverted to the time tested (and mommy approved) jook. It’s Korean rice porridge, and it works every single time. It doesn’t matter what ails you, it will make you feel better immediately. So, any time I need to find homeostasis with my body… this is what I eat.

Jook for Whatever Ails You (Kaprise Kitchen style)

  • 1/3 cup of rice (Korean people use glutinous rice, or sweet rice. For this recipe you can use either white or brown, but if you use brown you will need to pre-soak for an hour or two ahead of time)
  • 2 cups of good chicken broth
  • 2 carrots, finely diced (optional)
  • 1/2 cup of frozen corn (optional)
  1. In a pot, bring the chicken broth to a simmer
  2. Rinse the rice 3 or 4 times. I use a fine mesh sieve and run the rice under cold water for several minutes, stirring to make sure I rinse all debris away
  3. Add the rice, and simmer covered on low for about 1 hour. Check on the rice every 15 minutes, stirring to make sure the rice does not burn or stick to the bottom of the pot. The rice should eventually begin to break apart to form a thick porridge and the liquid should completely be absorbed.
  4. The rice should be completely mushy… if you need, add more broth.
  5. Add carrot and corn and simmer for 15 more minutes.
  6. Serve! You can add a little bit of soy sauce or salt for more flavor… but I find that when I’m not feeling well, the plain and unadulterated jook is just perfect.

Notes:

  • Jook is normally made with just rice and water, but I think that the chicken broth makes it more substantial and nutritional
  • I just like pretty colors, so I add vegetables to my jook, but this is not traditional at all. However, if you like eating colorful food (like I do) you can add peas or spinach or any variety of pretty vegetables to this.
  • Jook takes a while to come together – be patient, and let the jook simmer on low for as long as it takes. I normally simmer mine for an hour – but sometimes as long as 2 to make it more delicious
  • You can make jook with left-over rice… but I think this way is yummier