I am an epic story teller. As a kid, I used to be reprimanded for making up these elaborate stories based on a single, very small grain of truth. I once convinced my older sister that there was a student named “Tape” in my first grade class, when in fact his name was Chase. But that didn’t stop me. I don’t know why I told these stories, maybe I liked the captive audience, or maybe I was simply bored with the mundane. I read fantastic tales and told the same to my friends around me. I still have a penchant for a good story, a good laugh, and I am notoriously transparent about any embarrassing stories. But, then there is a the matter of this blog. I hesitate to write a lot of stories here because I’m just not sure who is reading… and in the off chance a friend stumbles across my blog – I don’t want them to be embarrassed. I’m not one to be embarrassed easily, but I’ve been told that I often embarrass my friends because I simply say what I think. I try to keep stories about my friends to myself, and try only to tell stories about myself. And, as a hyper critical person, I try to keep my criticisms to myself also because I know that my caustic sense of right and wrong, stupid and smart, and worthy and worthless is often taken poorly.

So, I hope you enjoy the endless hours of stories and criticisms of… ME and only ME. But now you know why… not because I’m horribly egocentric (maybe just a little), but because I considered what my friends might feel should they read my little slice of honesty on the web.

It’s the start of the craziness for finals. I’ve already been in the library all morning, but I have so many things just whirling around in my head. I can’t focus on just one thing. I’m thinking about that creep that won’t stop calling me (thank you at&t for blocking his number!). I’m feeling a little insulted over a crap comment someone made to me a week ago. I feel a little tired because I fell asleep in my chair. I’m feeling a little bored. I’m thinking about my college buddy visiting. I’m thinking about dresses and weddings and running. I’m thinking about the 20 page paper I need to write, and the class I have to study for (when I didn’t ever go to class). I’m just all over the place. So, I’m making a list of all of the things I want to do before I turn 30.

1. Run a full marathon (scheduled for July 31)
2. Spend 1 year traveling – I want to see Fiji, South Africa, South America, and Iceland (and everything in between!)
3. Learn some sort of martial arts, and be really good at it
4. Master snowboarding, and snowboard at Whistler
5. Make a difference in at least one person’s life
6. Learn to butcher a cow from start to finish (I know it’s kinda gross, but I want to know how to do it)
7. Drive across the continental United States, coast to coast.

I’m in class… and I can’t seem to focus.

So, have a picture. Heirloom tomatoes on top of ggaen-ip (Korean sesame leaf).

You know when you get stuck in a situation that just sucks? You’re in that position even though you didn’t do anything wrong, and no matter what you do – you are just stuck. Helpless because whichever way you try to resolve the problem, you’re still screwed.

I came to law school because I hated feeling that way. I hated feeling like someone was screwing me over. I hated seeing other people try to take advantage of my family and my friends. I hated feeling like I had no way to protect myself, no matter how hard I fought.

Anyway, I’m feeling particularly annoyed because someone is making my sister’s life difficult, and even though know she’ll prevail legally… I have the overwhelming urge to run up to the bastard and throttle him. Physically make him helpless and vulnerable. I want to push him up against a wall and break every single bone in his hands, and explain to him why acting like an insufferable jackass isn’t nice.

UGH!

I’ve been up since 5 trying to work on my paper, and it’s just not happening. So I’m writing a list of things on my mind so I can get back to focusing….. 9 pages down – 11 more to go!

1. I don’t wear flip flops unless I’m walking the dog or going to the beach/pool.
2. I have to figure out how I’m going to study and write all my exams. I didn’t study all semester and now I feel screwed
3. My dog puked last night, and then rubbed her little pukey face on my blanket, so I’m smelling puke. I’m going to need to bleach everything
4. I’m running out of bleach
5. My stomach is still upset from DR, so I’m sticking to drinking tons of water and coke. Ahhhhh
6. Someone told me a story about how we first met… I don’t remember, but apparently I hit on him and told him he was cute. Wonderful.
7. I have an interview at 3:00pm, and I don’t have any clean pants for my suit – so I’ll be stuck in a skirt… but I don’t have any clean tights. Stupid laundry
8. I’ve been bitching about my neighbor, but I’m suddenly feeling charitable so I’m ignoring it. Plus… it could be worse right?
9. I’m debating on running a full marathon. Though judging by the massive quantities of caffeinated beverages I need to drink to write for 4 hours…. I might need to just stick to the normal 1/2
10.  I’m “talking” to this guy… but I think I’m over it already. I just don’t feel the need to commit just yet. I mean really, single life is just awesome.
11. I was accused of being “not very affectionate” – just for the record, fuck you. I just don’t work that way. You know what you got into when you met me, so get over it. I mean really, I just want to be left alone. Why is that so hard?
12. My goal in life is to finish law school, and then spend the rest of my life having fun. Who goes to law school for fun? This shit isn’t fun at all.
13. I’m working on losing 10 more pounds, so I’m starting to cut out the excess carbs and the high calorie drinking (I’m pretty sure I gained about 5 pounds this weekend from drinking jack and coke)
14. I haven’t skinned a knee since 10th grade. But this weekend I skinned both of my knees and scraped up my palms. I mean really…
15. I like purple highlighters – and I need another since mine is dying a slow death at the hands of my cert paper
16. And that is all.

Back to work!

I bake and cook to blow off steam.Something about the mixing and patient stirring chills me out. I don’t often use recipes, and if I do, I rarely follow them. I tweak and stir and do my own thing. I get mixed results, sometimes good, sometimes terrific and other times just flat out gross. But, when I do hit something out of the park and someone asks for a recipe, I’m always at a loss. Because I bake and cook in a bit of firestorm of energy, I don’t often write down what I did. I can remember the day of, but normally a few days pass and I’m off trying to make something else. This year, I attempted to write down the things I did when I was cooking… I thought I could make my own little booklet of recipes that are tried and true.

In the last couple weeks – this is what I ended up with

I was going to organize it all today, but all of the baking and cooking is just for me. It’s to relax and just let go… so I decided not to impose my super organized neurotic being on the single indoor activity that chills me out. After all, hobbies are just for fun, right?

I know! I said I would post every day for the remainder of February… and then look 7 days have elapsed. First it was this horrific oral presentation (which, if I had known everyone was going to be so well versed, I would have focused on memorizing footnotes instead of buying a new sharp suit!!) and then my momma (best mommy on earth) came and visited. She bought me new shoes. Pretty crackly gold flats and vampy kitten heel crocodile pumps.

Anyway, I’m revisiting some of my favorite recipes today and baking up a storm. I’ll be back in full force later, promise!

This year, I didn’t make a New Years Resolution… but I decided to make one. No More Procrastination. Last night at 4 (or this morning… however you think of it) I realized as I was frantically researching for my paper (which I am still not done with)… that with all of my procrastination I am just setting myself up for failure, heartbreak and disappointment. And… why would I want to do that to myself?

I live my life under the theory of enjoying every moment, breathing in all of the good… so it makes no sense to put off my work and make myself so miserable.  So. From here on out. No more.

Okay. Back to work!